Something happened that I would never had expected, at least not for the next ten years or so. This past week was such a roller coaster of emotions for me, not to mention my DH but he is not as vocal about it.
amusement when my DH got the call. Don't get me wrong I think he is a wonderful man and perfectly capable of handling with grace and ease what is going to be put in front of him. Grown-up things like this always make me laugh. Like when he was sworn into the bar I was so proud then I started thinking who is going to hire such a young silly kid to work on a case for them he couldn't really be an attorney. Could he? I had the same thought today, do they really know who they just called he is not that old ...and neither am I. We are a young family with young kids still finding where we fit in, Second counselor in the Bishopric Really!!?? Not just any bishopric the 7th ward bishopric. That cannot be right we are in the 1st ward. Then it hit me! He is not just getting a new calling I must me loosing mine.
Heartache...I almost lost it. I wanted to crawl under the table curl up into a ball. I could hardly stop crying long enough just to say that I would be okay. But would I really? I mean I know now that something big is going to happen soon and it is not just me being relieved of my position. The girls I love so dear are going to have the rug pulled out from under them and I need to act as if I don't know a thing. All I wanted to do was find each and everyone of them give them a big hug and let them know it is going to be okay, eventually
amazed that I have such a wonderful husband that someone would feel so inspired to ask him to do something this huge. and that he (and I) could say yes because there are no doubts he can handle it.
thankful once again for my amazing husband to receive such a calling so far in advance that I had time to prepare myself for things to come. Kind of selfish I know but if I would have found out at the same time as everyone else can you imagine? I had a small breakdown in a small room with only two other people there if the news had come when I was sitting next to my girls I might still be a in a ball on the floor.
dread I was now going to church to teach a lesson that had been prepared to a group of girls that know me all to well. How in the world am I going to keep this from them, look them in the eyes and try to deliver a message and not break down. They will all think something is up. They might just think that I am pregnant or something but lying is not a talent I possess so I hope no one asks.
tension I may have made it through my lesson (with a few funny looks) but I still had one more week and that meant an activity and ANOTHER lesson. wouldn't ya know it our activity was all about girls camp. yeah! oh no wait, I am not going to girls camp but I can't tell anyone. So I make it through the preparations and certifying then the stake leaders had a brilliant idea!! let's show the slide show from last year to get the girls excited for camp. it is a good thing the lights were out and no one saw my tears.
gratitude for an awesome FIL who with a moments notice drove 13 hours to be with us for less than 24. Just to ordain his son a High Priest. Then he got in his car and drove back home. My DH comes from the most amazing family. I really married UP.
Overwhelmed I couldn't just deliver the message from the manual in class today, it didn't feel right. besides I knew there would be no presidency left to get me in trouble. I wanted a way to say goodbye with out coming out and saying goodbye. I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve these girls and I needed to let them know it. I was still not sure what I was going to do with the last hour I had with all of them and then one of them got up to bare her testimony. Testimony!! what a great way to talk about the things we are thankful for without saying any sort of goodbye. But I couldn't talk I would get to choked up then I remembered something silly I read on an LDS teachers blog, it didn't seem so silly today. I wrote on the board "I am thankful for..." we all had chalk and came up one by one a wrote a bunch of things down. We all expressed our gratitude for each other and no one had to say a word and that meant I didn't cry too much until I closed the lesson at the end. The YW of the Mountain Shadows 1st ward really are the best group of girls.
weary I am tired of crying and exhausted from trying to act like nothing is wrong. I don't like not knowing, I know something is going to happen but I only know one small part. Once everything is out in the open I will feel better.
sorrow At the special meeting held to discuss all the new changes our ward was dissolved and absorbed into two existing wards. I was okay with this, I had time to prepare but I was not prepared to see all the faces of friends and the YW that I would not be socializing with on a weekly basis anymore. I guess I am happy I didn't have many tears left.
reserved I now just need some time to compose myself and think about why this all happen I am sure it is for the best.
